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The Prosecution: Beth

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her social media – it’s like a sudden shock.

A close companion of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it weighs on our friendship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to document everything constantly. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I get secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes video blogs about city life, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be involved. On occasion she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it comes like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Often I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has transformed into me serving as her free crew. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my unease about this arrangement, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I invest assisting her create material.

I’m grateful that Marielle has helped me with my career in design, but I resist our friendship to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don't believe she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times it seems that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me smiling with someone. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being recorded, edited, or shared for an audience. I am not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the creations we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and engage with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your interests. I look up to people on TikTok who pull off that aesthetic of casual, DIY content creation.

Content creation is my version of living actively: observing the details, sharing them with an viewership that values the art behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uneasy. Taking her to industry events was my way of offering access, giving her a opportunity to witness exclusive moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't leverage, it’s just being realistic.

I would take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see the benefits the content we make together can get us: a foot in the door. I know not everyone enjoys being on camera, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my private videographer, but friends support one another in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a short video now and then would be fun for Beth. Innovation thrives in partnership, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I document our time together.

I cherish our friendship profoundly and don’t want making videos to come between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like requesting permission before recording, and avoiding angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it's her job, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn't imply all those around her is willing material. She needs to respect her friend's privacy.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has helped her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the priority in your friendship. Foster some real memories, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be neither present nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Both seem confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been exploiting their friendship?